Hope Beats

Hello everyone!

It's been a long time since I felt hopeful over my future. Sure, there are things that I look forward to - like being a full librarian, and becoming fluent in Japanese - but feeling truly hopeful? Nope. Not in...a longer amount of time than I really want to admit.

See, that's what doubt does to you. Doubt is the death of hope. And without hope, it's hard to have faith. And that's what Satan wants. He wants you to doubt. God. His promises. Yourself. Your abilities. What God has called you to do.

And when you listen to doubt in one area, when you question God and His promises, when you question His plan for your life, or even if He has one...then you leave yourself open for the death of hope.

And only God's Spirit can renew you and bring back that hope.

Full disclosure: I have struggled with lust most of my life, and whenever I doubt God and His plan and purpose, I have a habit of rebelling. And I use lust to rebel against God. And I know it makes Him sad, but it also hurts me. A lot. Even if I'm only looking at things and doing things with myself. It doesn't leave me feeling clean. And it certainly doesn't give me hope for my future.

So, last night was really bad. I had a rebellious night and I didn't get to sleep until about 2 am. And then I had to get up for church this morning. I got up around 7:30, and felt like I didn't have time to get to church at 9, because I still had to stop for gas this morning.

But, I dragged myself out of bed and decided that I wasn't going to let my mistake keep me out of church, because I genuinely want to serve God. It's hard sometimes, especially when I'm tired or when I'm not sure what He's doing in my life. But I knew it was my mistake, so I went to church anyway. I was a little late, but only by a couple of minutes.

And it was the best service I could have gone to today. It was exactly what I needed, from the worship music to the message. It reaffirmed God's power in my life, and His purpose for me.

But more than that, afterward, there was an altar call, and while I felt too ashamed to go up there, God met me where I was at, and His Spirit washed over me and we had a good heart to heart. And I feel cleansed, as though I had never sinned.

And I haven't felt like that in a long time. Maybe not ever.

So, why did I share this today?

Well, it was time. It was time to tell you my story, or part of it. It was time to share with you what's been going on with me, so you'll know you aren't alone. Whatever has been dragging you down or keeping you from God's presence, isn't capable of holding you there. Not when God alone has power over your life.

When Jesus shows up, your miracle doesn't depend on anyone or anything else. Jesus' presence reaches out and creates miracles. It depends on His power (limitless), and your faith (just a little bit). Reach out to Him, and He will meet you where you are.

When we stop giving Satan control over our lives, in the form of sin and doubt and worry, God renews us, and when we are renewed, it's a chance to ask Him to step in, and fight for us.

And when He fights, He always wins. Nothing and no one can stand against His power.

So, whatever is dragging you down, throw it off. Step into a quiet moment with God. Call out to Jesus. Release your pain. Your fears. Your tears. Worship Him, and listen.

When you do, I can tell you from recent experience, that He will do what only He can do.

He will restore your heart. Your faith. And you will feel hope beat again in your chest.

I love you all, and I pray that God restores you today.